i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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