What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
