My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
