Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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