He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
