just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
