So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
