I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
