I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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