do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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