last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
We need to get me chipped asap
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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