I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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