dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
