She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
