i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
