Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
