He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm bleeding and have questions
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
