If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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