all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
