He is such a slut. More and more my type.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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