Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
