my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
They took my balls.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
