This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
