I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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