I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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