I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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