she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
