I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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