she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
