too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
She just used a chaser for red wine.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
