can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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