I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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