got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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