On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
