don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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