break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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