i barfeds in our rink
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
