Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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