Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
