question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
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