Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
