I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
