bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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