you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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