Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
