i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
