Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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