i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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