the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
