the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
